Feeling guilty all the time

I do not know if it’s just people like me who overanalyse every aspect of their life or is over aware of everything that goes on around them and is anxious at all waking hours of the day, but I feel guilty all the time.

TV Review: Normal People

Normal People follows two characters, Connell and Marianne, in modern day Sligo as they make the transition of school to university, whilst clandestinely forming a relationship which meets obstructions in the form of their home-life, school-life and their friendships throughout school and university.

Book Review: The Tattooist of Auschwitz

The Tattooist of Auschwitz by Heather Morris is based on a true story of the life of Lale Sokolov and his journey during the Holocaust as he is taken to Auschwitz-Birkenau. He is given the role of the tattooist whereby he is made to permanently mark every prisoner that comes into the concentration camp with a number designating their identity. One day he marks a young woman named Gita who he comforts and he sees in her something different than any other prisoner. The story follows Lale as he is sent to Auschwitz for two and a half years and as he vows to Gita that they will one day be able to escape and live freely together.

Film Review: Marriage Story

Marriage Story is a film by Noah Baumbach about a married couple named Nicole and Charlie who are going through a divorce and trying to negotiate an arrangement from opposite sides of the country. The film looks at their lives over the course of the divorce navigating through their often polarised views on what their marriage was, whilst raising their son Henry.

TV Review : Fleabag

I just finished watching Fleabag this morning and can’t help but write about my wonder and awe at Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s talent at writing so perfectly and being able to tell a story so honest and unapologetic and not one you’ve seen done in this way.

Fleabag is a story about a quick witted, 33 year old women known as Fleabag, living in London as she moves on with life after the death of her best friend/co-owner of her cafe and the death of her mother three years previously. It follows her life as she deals with love, sexuality and family, all causing conflicting problems for Fleabag in the present as she tries to piece her life together while still trying to hold on to the past.

I’m Bad at Managing my Anxiety

It had to be said this post would come sooner or later. Like a lot of people in the world I deal with anxiety on almost a daily basis. I know a lot of people can relate to this because I know a lot of people who have anxiety.

I didn’t know the definition of anxiety when I was younger but now when I look back, I’m pretty sure I’ve had anxiety from a very young age. Whether it be anxiety or just being constantly worried, I don’t know. To be honest self-diagnosing is probably not the  best option for me as someone who has a constant mantra in my head telling me that I’m not doing enough or that I am not enough. What this means is that in my head I think that my worrying is not enough, my stress is not enough, or my anxiousness is not enough to even be anxiety. So self-diagnosing my self with anxiety is leaving me in a constant state of denial and this only creates further worry for me. You understand now why I say that I am not managing this well.

Finding My Heritage

I read a book many years ago by Kiran Desai called the Inheritance of Loss and it was a story about losing sight of where you come from and the conflicts of different ways of life. As much as I found it hard to read at 8 years old and didn’t find much fascination in deeply influential and though provoking books at that age, it still struck home for me. I found it very relatable as it’s set in India and written by an Indian. Me being an Indian myself really made me look at my life in a different perspective and made me feel very guilty, for many years, for not fully appreciating and getting involved with my culture and everything it is to be an Indian and also my distaste at how it would sometimes conflict with the way I grew up in England. Now looking back I always had a bit of a discontent for growing up with a different culture to those in my primary school. I always felt like the odd one out and wanted be like everybody else, a philosophy I still have not got rid of.

Why I started and stopped Bullet-Journalling

Like almost everyone else when they first got introduced to the concept of Bullet-Journalling, I did not see the point of it. I thought it was a waste of time, unnecessary and unproductive for someone like me, a uni student.

But just like a lot of things in my life, I embraced the time-wasting and un-productivity because it gave me something to do which would block out all my worries and not have to actually face them. Also, I love organising with a passion. I love having things neat, tidy and if I ever get a chance to put something in a particular order I leap at the chance. Sad, I know. I’m not sure why I’m like this but it isn’t all bad.

 

Feeling Unaccomplished

So I haven’t posted since July of 2018. I know, if there was ever a perfect way to describe procrastination it would be my endeavours as a blogger. I told myself that I would blog every week for my 2nd year of University and did that happen? Of course not! I wrote one blog post on July 17th 2018 and never blogged since.

My lack of motivation to continue blogging, or shall we say even to begin, is very much in line with how I have felt since starting this academic year. I have experienced a complete decrease of my motivation since I started my Law degree and as much as I hate to admit it, I think a lot of it comes from not having a passion for what I am studying. As much as I believe the law is important and valuable and at times interesting to learn about, I have not once had a burning passion for it. I don’t wake up every morning feeling my degree gives me purpose in my life. Should we have to feel this way every morning? No, we can’t be happy all the time. But the truth of the matter is, my interest in law peaked in the first term of 1st year, and soon enough sizzled out to nothing by the time second term started.

As a law student it’s very easy to feel you are not doing enough or not achieving enough. Even if you do not have the passion for the course and know you do not want to pursue a legal career, there is still an expectation to be doing a lot of work experience or just doing more. I speak for all university courses not just law, but since the end of my exams I have felt the silent judgement from people all expecting my to be pursing a legal career even though I have made it clear I have no interest in one. ‘So what do you like then?’, they ask me. Well, that is the question…and also one I will answer in another blog post.

I have always been an indecisive person, but trying to figure out what to do as a career is understandably the hardest conundrum. I definitely think you need some idea of what you would ideally like to do as a career but I also think you cannot be expected to have it all decided in a day. Nowadays we a constantly bombarded with images and stories of people our own age who we know or we don’t know accomplishing great things and it’s inevitable that we feel the need to compare our lives to their’s. But just because we have not reached our destination yet does not mean we will never get there (this is loosely a Taylor Swift quote fiy, so don’t quote me on it).

As much as I sometimes think this is an overused quote, success is definitely what you make of it. It does not look, sound, feel the same for everyone. Success takes time and I’m not using this as an excuse for not blogging since July of 2018, BUT if I’ve learned anything since then, it is to not be so hard on myself. Succeeding in something doesn’t always make your life feel more purposeful. Sometimes just getting through it one day at a time is enough.

– C

Being an Introvert in Freshers Week

I am a law student in the University of East Anglia who has just finished their first year of Uni. I decided to create this blog as almost a diary or journal to catalogue my journey through university and life and to reach out to people like me. When I mean people like me I mean introverts. Being an introvert is something I have lived as my whole life and it affects me every day. A significant change in my life which was university changed the course of my introversion on a whole new level and in this blog post I will tell you how it affected my first week in uni, how I coped with it and how I continue to cope with it.

Coming into university in September of 2017 I had all types of fears like every average 18-year-old, however I had a fear which I suspect many people have but don’t ever talk about. This was the fear of being the quietest person in the room. What I mean by this is I had fear of coming into university and being known as the ‘quiet one’. All throughout secondary school I was known as one of the quiet ones, who people would never hear talk and when referring to me would always describe me as quiet. I did not want history to repeat itself, I did not want to be remembered in uni for being quiet. So, this was my fear going into uni and I was determined that I would change for the better and my life would be different and my reputation would not be the same as it had always been.

A week into uni and my plans fell apart very quickly. Freshers week is every introverts fear. As much as I wanted to interact with people and get involved with all the events on every night at the uni’s SU, the whole experience was pretty overwhelming. I think a lot of people deal with this but many feel awkward or embarrassed talking about it.